Guy: “Are you upset? You seem upset.”

Girlfriend: “No, I'm fine.”

Guy: “Alright, what do you want to do tonight?”

Girlfriend: “Uhhm, nothing with you.”

Guy: “Are you mad at me?” Girlfriend: “I don't know, you been on Facebook lately?”

Does this conversation sound familiar to you? Have you ever looked blankly into the empty vortex of your girlfriend's cold unyielding death stare without a clue of what went wrong, or how you can possibly fix it? Its just Facebook, right? It doesn't really matter, I mean, its not REAL life, right?

Guys, I have bad news for you. Women as a species are highly image conscious. They spend hours planning out the perfect outfit, and rarely wear the same thing twice. They ponder deeply on the perfect color to paint their room to reflect the inner expressions of their emotions, and they take Facebook VERY seriously.

When you become a part of this girl's life on a Facebook official level, you become a representation of her. A part of her image. And she'll be damned if you go and mess up her image with your childish nonsense. So before you end up on the wrong side of a one-side fight in which you have zero chance of winning, read up on these Facebook Rules for Dudes with Girlfriends, and save yourself some pain and suffering.

  • 1

    Your Profile Picture

    If you think your Facebook profile picture should be something that represents you, you've made your first mistake already. Who are you? Stop thinking about you. You are now her boyfriend. Forget about you. Your picture should reflect pride you feel in being her boyfriend. I mean, you are proud of her aren't you? Cause that picture of you passed out on the bench in an over-sized sombrero after last year's Cinco de Mayo celebration certainly does not look like someone who is proud of his girlfriend.

    Do not: Post embarrassing pictures of her, or yourself. Avoid pictures of you holding alcohol, and for God's sake, never, and I mean NEVER use a profile picture of you and a girl that is not you girlfriend. If nothing else, crop her out. What she really wants is a picture of you in a colored shirt or tie. Something that looks professional. She wants to show you off to her friends, family, co-workers, classmates, pretty much anyone else who will listen. So present yourself like someone worth showing off.

    Want to take it to the next level? Get a picture with her. Its not required, but she will eat it up. Preferably doing something coupleish, like eating dinner at La Fondas, sitting on the hill at a UL game, or leaning up against an old oak tree in her back yard. I don't know why anyone would dress up to go lean on trees either, but that's really not the point.

  • 2

    Facebook Posts

    Facebook is what you use to keep up with friends, right? You post funny things and comment on whoever's page you want, right? Wrong again. Remember, its not about you. You represent her. And how do you think she's going to feel when her grandma asks her what her new boyfriend meant when he posted, “I'm getting homeless guy drunk tonight”?

    She is watching. She is ALWAYS watching. So you have to make sure all communication sent and received is 100% girlfriend approved. Be vigilant, and don't be afraid to hit that delete button. Remember, it may be funny now, but will it be funny while she is standing in front of the TV starring deep into your soul, leaving you with nothing to defend yourself with except for the sheepish look on your face and an Xbox controller? I think not.

  • 3


    I know there is nothing in the relationship study guide that speaks about Facebook likes, but believe me, it's on the test, so you better be prepared. When your girlfriend posts something on Facebook, she is expecting you to notice. Ignorance is no excuse. You are her cheerleader. If she posts something positive, you better “Like” it. If its negative, you better say something. If you don't, she will assume you're up to something. She'll assume you don't have time for her. She'll assume many terrible outlandish things. Don't submit yourself to the mercy of her imagination. When she posts something, be on it.