Dear Sports Santa,

I've been a good sports fan this year, and I hope you took note. I'm a man of simple needs, so I won't ask for much. That being said, I better get all the loot I want...you know, in the spirit of Christmas.

The first gift on my wish list is to have Lou Holtz dab on national television, so we can officially put the dance move to bed heading into 2016. I figured I would start with something easy and save the big requests for last. All it would take is one dab by Ole Lou to officially declare it no longer cool or acceptable.

While we're on the topic of stocking stuffers, can I get a Gregg Popovich Christmas album? I feel like if you got him in the studio with some twangy guitar and a few glasses of holiday cheer, you could create some real magic. Make it happen, Sports Clause.

I don't want to seem greedy, but there's still a lot of stuff to get to.

For the Ragin' Cajun in me, I would like a berth to the NCAA Tournament this basketball season. I'm not picky about who gets there either. If Garry Brodhead's crew punches their ticket, I'll jingle with joy all the way into March. I know you received Tony Robichaux's wish list for his baseball stadium, so I would appreciate it if you brought all that down the chimney as well.

This NFL season wasn't really fun in New Orleans, so the next item on my list is a Christmas miracle. Is that too much to ask?

I'm not asking for an immaculate conception or angels to come down from the heavens or anything...just a perfect draft. If the Saints can build off the pieces they picked up in 2015, Drew Brees might be able to retire a happy man. I just want peace on Earth, and Drew Brees in one piece.

Speaking of peace on Earth, I want peace in Baton Rouge too. I want a playbook to pass on to Les Miles where Brandon Harris and the LSU offense can succeed, while Leonard Fournette is allowed to feast. Easy, right? For some reason, I ask for this every year and it never comes...

Sometimes, all you can ask for is health in the holiday season. Please, Sports Santa, find it in your heart to get the Pelicans back on their feet. I sure would appreciate it, but I understand that probably defies some law set up by the Louisiana Sports Gods...I'm not sure how the hierarchy goes between you guys, but have your people call their people. I don't think I can take another Christmas like this without turning to booze during the NBA season.

My last request is very simple. I just want to be able to dunk. I've been making the same wish for at least 15 years, and you keep ignoring me. What's up with that? If Nate Robinson can do it, I should be throwing down windmills. It's only fair.

I promise to go to sleep early and leave out Gatorade and protein bars for your athletic reindeer. Ball out on Christmas, Santa. I know you're real.

Love,
R.B.

(P.S.-If you still have some room left on the sleigh, I have a few other wishes...)
One of Russell Westbrook's shirts
Two Copies of the movie Shaq Fu, so if I lose one I still have a backup to watch
A Motivational Calendar Made With DJ Khaled Snapchats
An Iggy Azalea CD Signed by Nick "Swaggy P" Young, and only Nick "Swaggy P" Young
18 Holes of Golf with Charles Barkley
A Snuggy

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