Life Without Oden
by: Jeaux Sportsbreaux

                 When the ancient-looking, 25 year old Greg Oden signed with the Heat, the Pelicans missed out on the 2007 number one pick. If he stays healthy, Oden could become a formidable center. And, if he stays healthy for the Heat, it will be about as fair as Donald Trump winning the Powerball.

                 While Miami’s signing of Oden is significant because the Pelicans lost out on a potentially game-changing center, here are 15 other reasons why Pelican fans should really regret losing out on Oden:

1.  Missing out on Greg Oden giving your kids Worther’s originals after the game.

2.  There will be no locker room scuffles because Oden insists on playing the Glenn Miller Orchestra as pre-game hype music.

3.  Greg Oden “bobble-knee” doll night. (A desk top toy with wildly rickety knees)

4.  Listening to Greg Oden break off a post game press conference to talk about the war years.

5.  Playing “Guess Greg Oden’s Emotion” with your friends . . .
Happy Greg Oden (with puppy)


Sad Greg Oden (no puppy)

Photo by Stephen Dunn/Getty Images

6.  Seeing Greg Oden paint himself silver and work as a frozen old man street performer in Jackson Square.

7.  Rewatching Lord of the Rings, because you heard Greg Oden was one of the walking trees.

New Line Cinema

8.  Finding out that the New Orleans Pelicans training staff bought pallets of WD-40 to grease Oden’s knees.

9.  Buying Gred Oden endorsed Gatorade – Prune flavor

10. Providing Dr. James Andrews with his first athlete hip replacement surgery.

11. Catching a Greg Oden postgame sweatband that smells like mothballs.

12. Seeing waterboys double check that one of the coolers is filled with Vanilla Ensure.

13. Hearing Greg Oden scream “Get off my lawn!!!” when he dunks on someone.

14. Guessing what would happen first, a terrible Tyreke Evans jump shot or a terrible Greg Oden or Eric Gordon knee injury.

15. Waving good-bye to Oden as he leaves the arena on his Rascal scooter.