10 Recent WWE Storylines We’d Like to Forget
Wrestling is as hit or miss as any weekly show on television. One segment is brilliant, the next three are mind-numbingly bad, and then the main event makes you forget the last two and a half hours with its greatness. Over the years, WWE has tried a lot of things, some worked just how WWE Creative planned, while others backfired miserably.
Take the “We the People” concept that WWE has brought out in 2013. Jack Swagger went from what seemed like an instant push to the stars, into what I imagine will be obscurity the likes of which only Yoshi Tatsu has seen. I’m not sure if it has to do with Swagger’s recent run-in with the law, or the fact that Swagger doesn’t bring a whole lot to the table, but he’s running on fumes. It’s all a shame, either way, as Zeb Colter’s (Swagger’s manager) mustache has become one of my favorite WWE superstars.
The “We The People” storyline crumbling to dust prompted us to take a look back at WWE’s most recent botched storylines/characters. Here’s are some of the more recent disasters WWE has offered up.
Ezekiel Jackson/Mason Ryan/(Insert generic big man here)
Zeke Jackson and Mason Ryan are two guys who fit the “big man” mold and are similarly failed experiments. Both were a part of stables with far more successful members (CM Punk, Wade Barrett), and both had their chance with a face push, which neither came away with anything to talk about.
You may have noticed that neither of these guys have been on TV in almost a year. Were they injured? Did they need a gimmick overhaul? Vince isn’t the kind of guy to just cut and run on someone, as it took Mark Henry nearly a decade to come anywhere near his full potential, but these dudes have zero hype surrounding them in case of a comeback.
Freak show muscles only get a guy so far in this business, and until these dudes learn how to work, they’ve reached their peaks.
Kane’s ‘Predator’ Mask
For years, wrestling fans complained about Kane being mask-less, until Undertaker’s brother showed up donning two masks after last year’s WrestleMania.
John Cena had just lost to The Rock, and Kane had recently been run over by Alberto Del Rio, which led to him screaming like a little girl, and practically ruined his character, for a moment.
I’m not sure whose idea it was to give Kane a Predator (like the movie) entrance helmet, but it was just as silly as it sounds. I thought his camo was going to activate at any second, and he was going to become invisible to the human eye. Instead, he took off the mask to reveal a creepier, more practical mask, which he still wears to this day.
It’s very possible that Kane will go back to wearing his robot head once Daniel Bryan kicks him to the curb, and ends Team Hell No, but I’d vote against it.
Anonymous Raw GM
A fun idea with absolutely zero payoff.
The whole idea here was that someone was controlling the WWE behind the curtain, like the ‘Wizard of Oz’. For months, the show would be interrupted by messages from the mystery GM, and it felt like it was going to build into something with a bit of payoff. Nope.
It reminded me of another horrible angle that lasted too long, which was about Vince McMahon having a son. Both tales ended with Hornswoggle as the punchline, and the only person laughing was Vince.
I”ve never heard a crowd boo Michael Cole louder than when he’d read messages from this GM. In the end, they went nowhere with any of it. I’m sure WWE has plans to come up with another mystery storyline to complete the “Hornswoggle Swerve Trilogy”. Stay tuned!
Bo Dallas — As quickly as he was getting air time, he suddenly wasn’t on at all.
The kid worked his way up from WWE’s developmental territory pretty quickly. He showed up for the Royal Rumble, and then the next night on Raw, and ever since he’s been a non-factor. It just seems he has no relation to the crowd and he could be suffering from Rocky Maivia syndrome.
He occasionally pops up in the odd backstage sketch, like Curt Hawkins, but that seems to be as far as an upset win over Wade Barrett will get a guy. Not quite a 1-2-3 Kid push for the son of Irwin R. Shyster.
Bo Dallas still has a lot of time to prove me wrong, but so far, no good.
Nattie Neidhart’s Flatulence
WWE takes the last remaining branch of the Hart family tree, and instead of putting her over as a female version of Daniel Bryan (or Bret Hart, DUH!), they go with farts for laughs.
Natalya Neidhart was working along quite nicely as the second-half of The Divas of Doom with Beth Phoenix and, I don’t know what happened, but the whole angle was scrapped. Beth Phoenix left the WWE and Nattie was left farting in random segments on Smackdown.
I never thought any of the WWE’s Divas were truly meant to rise in the ranks, but this whole thing felt like a sick joke.
Perhaps Bret Hart was giving Vince some trouble over his new DVD set that was recently released, and having Nattie cut the cheese on Smackdown was a negotiating tactic from McMahon.
I have to hand it to Nattie for being such a team player, but for all I know it was her crazy idea.
Wrestling fans never forget anything.
In Japan, Tensai rose through the ranks with a quickness as Giant Bernard. Big Americans usually do well in Japan, and Tensai was mastering his craft while working the land of the rising sun.
WWE paid a lot of money to bring Tensai/Giant Bernard/Albert/A-Train all the way back from Japan. Their attempt to mix Vader and The Great Muta failed miserably. The guy came out looking for heat as a respectable bad guy to face the likes of John Cena, and instead he was bombarded with “Albert” chants.
Tensai had a few strong matches with top level guys upon his return, but Ryback was unable to lift him during one of their TV bouts, and it stunted both guys’ momentum. Tensai regressed into a comedy act, where he had to wear women’s lingerie and currently dances with another 300+ pounder, Brodus Clay.
The real question is, whatever happened to his personal punching bag, Sakamoto?
Kharma was basically The Shield for the WWE Divas division. She came out an wrought justice all over those ring bunnies. She was just as big as any woman I’d ever seen, and she would change emotional expressions at the drop of a hat. It was all a very strange sort of gimmick, but doing something different is always good in the wrestling business.
This was all going fine and well, until she got pregnant off-camera. It might have been cool to play that into the storyline somehow, but it was so early in the Kharma character development that WWE took it nowhere.
Would she have caught on and been the next Chyna? She would have at least been able to reach Beth Phoenix levels of success with her immense power.
There are rumors that WWE trademarked something to do with the name “Kharma”, so it’s possible she’ll still have her run through the WWE.
Zack Ryder is basically the WWE’s version of “Linsanity”, but with the staying power of the Manti Te’o story.
The guy became a huge internet sensation by making a YouTube series, and working the Twitter machine, but he could never find the same success in the ring. Slowly the Zack Ryder bandwagon seems to be losing supporters, and since he stopped doing his Youtube show, there’s really not a whole lot going on for Long Island Iced Z.
His biggest moment of his career, to date, would probably be his US Title victory. His reign was short-lived, and his push was destroyed by an Eve Torres heel turn, which she didn’t use very long, as she quite the WWE.
Zack Ryder has been relegated to the role of resident jobber, and despite his constant begging, a push does NOT seem to be imminent.
Miz as WWE Champion
Was The Miz winning the WWE title on par with David Arquette’s WCW title win in 2000? No, because Arquette was actually in movies, and not just on the reality show that spawned ‘Jersey Shore’.
To be fair, him winning the actual title with the Money in the Bank wasn’t the worst moment, but it was the lack of execution and follow through that ruined the angle. There’s nothing worse than a WWE Champion who isn’t even the focus of his own title feuds, and The Miz was that guy during his short existence as WWE Champ.
His “reign” was memorable for everyone involved except himself. He feuded with John Cena, but really that was just to set-up Rock v. Cena. Then he had a sidekick, Alex Riley, who he couldn’t even get over. Riley pinned him clean on TV, and neither man ever recovered from the bout. It was all a mess.
Now, WWE is trying to get Miz over as a babyface by having Ric Flair pretend to be his mentor, but sloppy Figure Fours aren’t going to win fans over.
The Miz winning the IC Title at Mania (only to drop it back the next night on ‘Raw’) shows they have plans to promote his own WrestleMania streak in the future and that really stinks.
You see Alberto Del Rio, right now? The way he ran around with the World Heavyweight Title, getting a bunch of “Si” chants… that was supposed to be Sin Cara. WWE brought Sin Cara in to be the masked Latino face of a new generation, and instead he’s been an injury-plagued disappointment.
I can see the similarities between Sin Cara and Rey Mysterio that WWE wants to highlight, but he’s lacking many key factors, like the ability to emote through his mask.
He doesn’t cut promos, his special dark lighting was as annoying as it was dangerous, and he can’t even do his original sweet finisher because he nearly killed Dolph Ziggler to set it up. It’s been all downhill for Sin Cara since the first person tweeted a picture of the trampoline he used in his entrance.
Luckily for the WWE Universe, Money in the Bank PPV’s come around once a year, so we still get to see Sin Cara take one insane bump for our amusement.